Seeing as it has been almost 8 months since my last post, everything I said was absolutely true. During this time my mind has been on overtime going through the process of what I can do now that I’m officially not a Pre School Teacher any more. (that has become a lot easier to say)

So the new idea on the horizon for me is to follow my dream and launch my love of photography into a fully fledged business, no longer just a hobby. this has been a whirl wind of emotions from relief at finally having an answer to anxiety of will I make it a very competitive marketplace & will I be good enough.

To go along with this I will also be trying to sell some of my creative works, so between the two I should be able to go to my happy place and relief stress while making a living. Well that is the plan.

So in order to make my dreams come true I have seen that I need to do some training to turn my passions into professions by adding better techniques, knowledge, understanding and by developing my own style.

In the art world I signed up for a course through Willowing Art called Ever After that went for 6 months and offered a number of courses in mixed media styles creating characters from all your favourite Fairy Tales. With the timing of the course though I was in too much pain too complete it but I have it all downloaded ready to start in the coming months. I have been concentrating more on my photography training and set up at the moment

As for my photography, I have been doing a number of webtorials (yep a new word for me) and reading articles through a few groups,

• Click Love Grow
• Cole’s Classroom – which I’m part of Cole’s Clique at the moment
• Photographer Rising – Which I have just started doing a 6 day apprenticeship with called Artist Rising  ( I’ll discuss this more later)

I have learnt so much in a short time already, and have been trying to put it into place with my latest shoots, which I had 3 just in the last week!!!

But at the same time I still see that I have a long way to go. I still have that same anxiety that I did 8 months ago. I still procrastinate, I still stress about my choices, I still feel lost in my vision because I ….

need to find my confidence in myself. I need to do something to just give myself a little boost and push myself to get over this little bump.

A quote from Day one of my Apprenticeship at Artist Rising has got me thinking and wanting to move forward.

“There is no perfect moment. No time when you will know enough to guarantee you will get what you want. No time when you’ll be 100 percent sure that you’re ready to have a child, fall in love, take a job, move cross-country, build a business, show your work, stand in your truth, pursue your dreams. Still, at some point, imperfectly informed, with butterflies in your belly, you’ll still need to act. To own your unknown….

I have finally come to the conclusion that I am too scared to begin,

my procrastination is my way of protecting myself from failure…..

 

I constantly think of what i want to be doing, I make list after lists & I talk about new ideas and how I can do them…then comes the nerves and anxiety about the outcomes. I’m a bit of a perfectionist too so if things don’t meet my expectations, I don’t deal with it very well.

 

So being forced to leave my position as an educator something i had wanted to be for as long as I can remember, has been extremely difficult and has forced me into finding a new career for my future (Once able).  So many emotions have come & gone then back again, a constant whirlpool of pain, stress & not knowing what the future holds.

In all the many months of time home alone while my peeps ( family) were at work and school and I only had my gorgeous Dixie (Beaglier) for company, I bravely told my Husband that I didn’t want to return to working in a childcare centre on a permanent bases when my shoulder recovered, I wanted to follow my artistic passions and try to make a living from them. He was amazingly & predictably supportive of what i need to do. we both agreed though I need to find some other form of paid work to supplement it until it all takes off ….because that’s what I’m going to achieve!!!!

 

NEXT POST :- See the choices i have made